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In-laws get the blame for divorces

Anushka Asthana
Sunday January 23, 2005
The Observer

Pressure from other family members is responsible for nearly a fifth of all marriage break-ups, according to a survey of lawyers who advise on divorce cases.
A report published today reveals that nearly 20 per cent of divorcees cite pressure from their families as the reason for their split, compared with just one in 10 last year. Family strain, now the second most common reason given for divorce, is a particular problem from relatives of the wife, who are blamed eight times out of 10.
The survey by Grant Thornton, an accountancy and consultancy firm, shows that the main cause of marital breakdown is still a partner having an affair.
The third placed reason is emotional or physical abuse, which has also seen a jump since last year.
Toby Yerburgh, a partner in family law with solicitors Collyer-Bristow, said: 'People live at home longer these days and are quite bound up with their parents.
'It is a difficult tie to break and that could mean there is more interference in a marriage. It could also be to do with the fact that it is harder to get on the housing ladder, so not only do people stay at home, but they are more reliant on parents.'
He added that it came as no surprise that abuse was increasingly given as a reason for separation. 'Traditionally it was more physical abuse, and there was far greater prevalence of male towards female,' he said. 'But now emotional abuse is more understood as a concept.'
The report shows that in 60 per cent of cases women are the victim of abuse while in 40 per cent of cases it is the man.
The report reveals that men are losing out more financially when it comes to separation - doing better in only 10 per cent of cases, less than half the amount of last year. It shows that women tend to keep hold of the house and its contents.
The shift is a sign that the courts are increasingly looking towards the non-financial contributions of women to a marriage.
'There was a ground-breaking case where the wife challenged her small proportion of the assets, saying the courts had not acknowledged her contribution to the marriage,' said Toni Pincott, a matrimonial financial expert with Grant Thornton.
'After she won, the courts started with a presumption of equality when it came to assets - that meant factors such as the non-financial role of the wife was looked at.' Pincott added that the change could be why the survey shows an increasing amount of wealth for women after a divorce.
In another high profile case, Middlesbrough and former Arsenal midfielder Ray Parlour's ex-wife Karen was awarded a third of his footballing income over the next four years after her contribution in raising their children and looking after their home was taken into account.
Today's survey shows an increasing rate of pre-nuptial agreements, with the vast majority of lawyers saying they wished such deals would carry more weight in the courts. At the moment, these agreements are not legally binding, although they will be considered in cases without children.
The survey also lists mid-life crisis, addiction, workaholism and business problems as reasons for divorce. And it reveals that more and more divorces are reached co-operatively.
Professor Ben Fletcher, head of psychology at the University of Hertfordshire said: 'The status of marriage is changing so people don't see the sanctity of marriage in the way they used to.
'Of course people try to make it work, but if in the end it can't they want a co-operative split.'